Attachment between parent and child begins within the first month of life. It is a simple process—the baby cries because it is hungry or upset, and the parent responds by meeting their baby’s needs. A healthy attachment is created when the baby learns they can trust their caregiver, leading to a deep emotional bond and sense of security.

Within the first year of life, a child learns if their needs will be met or neglected based on their experience with their primary caregiver. The attachment bond strengthens throughout childhood each time care and compassion are experienced. Healthy attachments are the foundation for emotional health and self-control. 

By contrast, every child entering foster care experiences a disruption in attachment to their primary caregiver, making it hard for the child to trust and form meaningful connections with any future foster or adoptive parent. 

Foster parents frequently experience problematic behaviors rooted in attachment, especially when the child has been in and out of multiple foster homes. Most foster children move approximately seven times while in foster care. Every time a child moves, the next caregiver has to work that much harder to gain their trust.

If your goal is to discover how to connect with your foster child, there is training available to help caregivers understand and plan to address maladaptive behaviors. The first step is to assume and understand that the child has experienced trauma and loss. These traumatic experiences often result in maladaptive behaviors like non-compliance, hyper-vigilance, dysregulation, talking back, and anxiety.

Disrupted attachments can cause some foster kids to become instinctually hyper-vigilant and concerned that certain negative experiences will happen again. Hyper-vigilance is a form of self-preservation that tends to look like non-compliance, defiance, and an inability to bond with the foster parent.

Foster parents often struggle to understand why the child does not love them back or displays behaviors that fall into the dysregulation category. Sometimes the child will not allow the caregiver even to brush their hair or have physical contact with them. Self-preservation and fear of suffering another loss prevent the child from forming a new attachment. 

In the same way that you have a past, your foster child does too. This is why It is important to seek understanding before making an assumption. Suppose you are concerned that your foster child is not eating all of their food, but you know they are hungry. Some kids may not eat their food because they come from a place with insufficient food, and the child may be unsure if it is okay to eat their entire serving all at once. Asking questions and letting the child know they are in a safe place is a good starting point for addressing these fears. For a traumatized child who lives in a world of unknowns, reassurance of safety is one way to develop a sense of trust.

Foster parents should acknowledge the culture and background of their foster child. You can learn so much by asking questions or having a simple conversation. Tell me how you celebrated your birthday in the past. What are your favorite meals? Do you like to help cook? 

Think about how you can incorporate their culture into your home. Your environment should be as malleable as possible to increase the child’s comfort; keep in mind that your foster child is expected to be flexible in an entirely new situation as well. 

Reflect on the cultural needs of the child based on their history. There is a person’s heritage, a culture of homelessness, and an overall sensitivity to the world in which they live. We want to shed the bad parts and focus on the good rituals that were a part of their life. Ask, did your family have Sunday dinners? Did you spend time with your extended family? Finding ways to reinforce good memories and traditions in your home will help the child feel safe and accepted.

There are additional things that you can do to help facilitate the development of trust and security between you and your foster child. Find opportunities to brush their hair, make small touches on their face, or simply make eye contact. Remember to ask permission to touch first; asking for consent will reinforce their sense of safety.

Older children may prove more challenging, but think about introducing age-appropriate things they may like. Something like taking them out to lunch and not having an agenda, or doing something unexpectedly fun can make a big impact. Think about sharing your fears and successes; we learn so much about the child through their social worker, but the child knows nothing about the people in the home they are entering. Often, noncompliance comes from the unknown, and sharing information about yourself can help children feel more at ease. However, be sure to avoid divulging information that is too personal.

Thinking about how behavior is connected to attachment, we also know that children tend to regress developmentally every time they are moved to a new home. When you consider all that the child has endured in their life—disrupted attachments, abuse, neglect, and an average of seven different foster homes—it is not surprising that behavior issues can manifest as a result of their inner struggles. 

Pathways’ Mosaic Behavioral Health can help caregivers recognize and identify behavior triggers and guide them in implementing techniques that will gradually bring down the walls of foster children and create trust. You should also consider Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) Training, an attachment-based, trauma-informed intervention designed to address the needs of children who have experienced multiple placements, toxic stress, trauma, abuse, and neglect. If you are interested in learning more about upcoming training dates, contact Pathways’ TBRI Training Manager by emailing mhipsher@mosaic-consult.com.

Pathways Youth and Family Services, in partnership with Superior HealthPlan, offers crisis intervention services to foster families and caregivers. Superior’s Behavioral Health Hotline offers emergency assessment and crisis intervention 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If a child or youth in Superior HealthPlan experiences a crisis, please call the Superior Behavioral Health Crisis Line at 1-866-912-6283 and press (*) to be directed to a Behavioral Health Crisis Team staff member for assistance. Turning Point mobile crisis teams are available Monday–Friday from 1-9 p.m. in Harris and Bexar Counties.

Prospective foster parents can sign up for a virtual orientation by visiting our website.

Pathways Youth & Family Services offers TBRI training to anyone interested in understanding how past traumas contribute to fear-based behaviors, and how connection plays a role in building a child/caregiver relationship and provides strategies for correcting behaviors of a child with complex needs.

If you welcomed a child into your home through foster or kinship care, there is a chance you understand the level of patience needed to interact with a child who has experienced some form of trauma. Just the fact that they are no longer in their home with a parent is traumatic in itself, and then there is the reason or event that caused them to come into care in the first place. 

Through TBRI training you will learn three basic principles. Principle one focuses on connecting to the child. Every person born is wired to have attachment needs as their brain develops in the first year of life. Sadly, not all children have had the opportunity to develop and experience attachment properly. For example, a crying baby is nonverbally telling their caregiver they need to be held or nurtured. A secure attachment is created when a child’s needs are met repetitively. When that need is not met consistently, the ability to attach and trust is damaged. 

The behavior manifesting from this attachment-style may, in the long term, look like bullying, oppositional behaviors, clinginess, or bursts of anger. TBRI touches on attachment strategies that will require time, effort, and investment on the caregiver’s part. Finding a way to connect to your child builds a foundation on which to create understanding and positively influence behavior. The four attachment styles are discussed more in depth during this training.

Principle two focuses on empowering your child through self-regulation. This part of the training discusses physical and internal needs like hydration and nutrition. Kids can become dysregulated when these physical needs are not met properly, which in turn affects brain development and behavior. It might seem like a topic that does not need addressing because the assumption is that we are all in tune with what our bodies need. That is not the case for children who have gone through trauma, adversity, and have not experienced optimal development. Imagine you and your child spent the afternoon at the zoo, and they become unruly and combative in the car. Someone who has learned to self-regulate might ask for a snack and a drink without resorting to destructive behaviors. A child who has not developed these skills will not. Principle two helps us understand where our children are coming from, addresses sensory concerns, teaches the adult to empower the child to think about what they need, and then teaches the child to self-regulate.

After gaining insight into the impact of trauma on brain development and understanding the role of self-regulation in behavior problems, principle three then focuses on correcting. If you are a foster parent and cannot understand why the correcting strategies you use with your biological children do not work with your foster child, there is a reason. TBRI teaches us that we cannot successfully correct someone until there is trust. This principle continues the discussion of how to disarm fear-based behaviors and offers suggestions for IDEAL—Immediate, Direct, Efficient, Action-based, and Leveled— responses directed towards the behavior. Parents will also learn about the power of “re-do’s”, giving choices, compromises, and mindfulness of red flag behaviors.

TBRI is designed to meet the needs of vulnerable children and youth with complex developmental trauma through an attachment-based, trauma-informed lens. This training will provide an understanding of the biological effects of trauma and provides caregivers a road map on how to build trust and correct behavior. Thanks to the research conducted by the Karyn Purvis Institute, caregivers will learn connecting principles for attachment, empowering principles to address self-regulation, and correcting principles to disarm fear-based behaviors. 

This training is open to caregivers and anyone who interacts with children or has a need to understand why children with trauma display certain behaviors. If you are interested in learning more, you can contact Pathways’ TBRI practitioner by emailing mhipsher@mosaic-consult.com.

Pathways Youth & Family Services is a foster care and adoption agency that provides behavioral health services through Mosaic. Mosaic Behavioral Health is a team of licensed mental health professionals who provide services to children in-home and via telehealth. Behavioral health teaches self-regulation and healthy emotional responses to life stressors. Stress in a child’s life can lead to inappropriate responses to everyday situations and dysfunctional behavior. Equipping children with tools they can use in their daily life positions them to develop healthy attachments and behaviors crucial to their success as adults.

The road to adulthood for some of our kids can be rocky and there are times when crisis intervention becomes necessary; that is where Turning Point comes in. Foster parents and caregivers can call Superior HealthPlan, at 1-866-912-6283, to access its statewide Behavioral Health Hotline for crisis support in an emergency. Licensed professionals are available 24/7 to provide initial support, assessment, crisis resolution, and service referrals over the phone. The hotline is available to families experiencing crises such as a child threatening harm to self or others or exhibiting out-of-control or aggressive behavior. Also available to families in Harris and Bexar Counties, is Pathways Youth and Family Services Turning Point Program. The licensed professionals who answer Superior’s Behavioral Health Hotline will call Turning Point if they determine in-person crisis intervention is required in Harris or Bexar County.

Why is early behavioral health important? Setting the youth of today up for success down the road begins now. Creating a toolkit of techniques for self-calming, stress reduction, and conflict resolution can be used for the entirety of one’s life. When trauma physically presents itself as destructive behavior, a lot of work goes into identifying the origin of the behavior. For example, receiving behavioral health services may help clarify why Johnny self-harms or why Susie is defiant and angry. 

Did you know that suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth between the ages of 10-14? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, people who have experienced violence, child abuse, or sexual violence are at a higher risk for suicide. Pathways’ Mosaic Behavioral Health provides expert care for stress management, anxiety, depression, trauma, anger, attention disorders, abuse, neglect, self-esteem, and substance abuse. Mosaic can help identify and address suicidal thoughts. Through targeted case management, therapists help each client identify their goals and then provide access to resources and services to help the client achieve treatment goals. By working together, they create a road map of sorts that lays out a path to managing emotions and maladaptive behaviors. Prevention and intervention are key strategies for children and adolescents.

If your child or youth’s behavior is out of control, aggressive, or exhibits self-harm, do not hesitate to reach out to professionals who can help. 

Research has shown that doing something good for someone else correlates to feelings of contentment and releases endorphins. It is the same feeling described by people who volunteer in their community or travel across the globe on a mission. People feel good when helping someone else.    

When foster families invite children from the foster care system into their homes, they have the opportunity to influence and change a child’s trajectory in life, and watch as it unfolds. One foster parent recently conveyed to our staff how a child they had taken in began to display positive behaviors, which they attributed to the female foster parent. When the child first came to the home, she displayed some inwardly focused tendencies. After about a year, the foster parents noticed  a marked increase in times when the child offered to help set the table for dinner, picked up after herself without being asked, and offered words of praise and encouragement to others – behaviors the child had not exhibited until recently. That behavior change is something the foster family takes great pride in, knowing they positively impacted a young person’s life. A best-case scenario is that the child returns home to the biological parent and continues mimicking the positive behaviors that he or she learned while in foster care.

Some people choose to become foster parents as a route to adoption, but be forewarned, there are pros and cons to this approach. The beauty of choosing this path is learning everything about the child and having time to build a connection. This will allow you to make a solid decision when the child is legally free for adoption. This is a benefit that families who go straight into adoption do not have. The drawback for some, is the amount of time it may take for the biological parents’ parental rights to be terminated, if that is the plan for the child. It is not uncommon for this part of the adoption process to take years.

One way to make a profound and lasting mark when allowing a foster child into your home, is taking in a teen. The teen years can be difficult, even more so for those who don’t have a stable environment. But all teens need to learn time-tested lessons about relationships, responsibilities, and thinking ahead to the adult years, and you can help them do so. Serving as a mentor and building what could be a lifelong relationship is how some parents describe this experience. This is also an excellent path for foster parents who want to bypass the “terrible twos”, diapers, and potty training.

Children with medical needs might be categorized as the most vulnerable population in the foster care arena. It takes someone who is compassionate, someone who seeks to give selflessly, to take on this assignment. One foster parent described her experience of caring for a child with special needs as helping her find her purpose. The experience of caring for someone who relied on her to fulfill all of their needs put the world, and what is essential, into perspective. The experience also gave her an appreciation for the challenges the disabled community faces each day.

There are so many benefits to being a foster parent, and it’s a path you won’t walk alone. Pathways Youth & Family Services offers a holistic approach to all who take on the role of foster or adoptive parent. Each family is partnered with a caseworker who will serve as a guide through the fostering or adoption process. If there is a need for individual or family therapy services, Pathways also offers trauma-informed care through Mosaic, its in-house behavioral health program. Raising a child has its share of challenges; offering to care for a child whose family needs time to regroup presents a unique set of challenges. However, one thing is sure, both foster family and foster child can benefit from the experience.

One of the final steps in becoming a foster or adoptive family is a home study. A home study is the formal vetting process that paints a picture of your daily life, describes your friends and family, looks at home safety, and reviews your finances to determine if your home is suitable for a child to inhabit. 

Once your initial application is reviewed and approved to move onto the home study process, a social worker will be assigned to you. He or she will visit your home, discuss the preparation process in more depth, and provide several forms for applicants to complete. This part of the process can take three to six months, depending on how quickly you can complete the assigned tasks. 

Be prepared to discuss various aspects of your life, beginning with relationships. The goal is to learn who visits your home, how often you have visitors, get copies of marriage licenses and divorce decrees, and gain insight into the relationship dynamics present in your life. You will also provide personal references; these are people who will write letters of support on your behalf. Your caseworker will call your references to learn more about you and your parenting experience in order to identify traits that could make you a good parent.

An essential tool in keeping kids in care, and children waiting to be adopted, safe, is a background check of all household members over the age of 14 and of any adult who will serve as caregiver or babysitter. You will make an appointment to be fingerprinted for a criminal history check of state and federal registries, as well as child abuse and neglect registries. The state of Texas Child Care Licensing Division dictates approval or denial based on the nature of previous offense(s). 

You will make copies of your driver’s license, provide a photo of your family, a copy of your pet’s vaccination records, draw your home’s floor plan marked with evacuation routes, and take photos of the inside and outside the home. Building on the concept of safety, is the itemization of each weapon or firearm in the home and a description of how each is properly stored. Also, be prepared to explain the safety measures in place if you have a swimming pool or trampoline.

Capturing a sense of your family’s financial stability is a necessary part of the home study, as the information verifies you have the financial means to provide for a child in your care. Be prepared to supply the amount of money in your checking and savings account, and your monthly expenses. 

Let’s talk about what foster and adoptive parents can expect during the walkthrough of your home. The social worker will have a checklist that instructs them on what to look for – plug covers in electric sockets, fire extinguishers in the appointed rooms, a posted fire escape plan, and validating that chemicals and alcohol are locked away or placed out of the reach of children. He or she will also inspect the room where the foster or adopted child will sleep. Please know that Pathways works closely with its families; we will support and guide you through the home visit, with safety being the top priority.  

Once all of the paperwork is complete, copies of pertinent documents are submitted, the background checks are approved, and a walkthrough of your home is done. The time it takes for the caseworker to put your file together is the final step. 

If you decide to foster or choose adoption, working with the right agency can provide the right amount of support for you and your family, resulting in a relatively smooth process. Pathways has a dedicated team of social workers, mental health therapists, and support staff who will hold your hand through the fostering or adoption process. 

The next step is filling out and submitting an application to become a foster parent. Once your application has been received, you will have a meeting with a caseworker, several online and face-to-face training sessions to complete (Click here for our  blog about foster parent training), and a home study. 

Home studies are used to determine the suitability and capability of the family and to ensure each child or youth is placed with a family that can best meet their needs. During these initial steps to become a foster parent, you will need to decide if you want to be a foster home, a temporary or long-term home for youth in foster care, or if your goal is to seek a child who is available for adoption. Regardless of which route you take, both begin with becoming a certified foster parent.

Children are only eligible for adoption once parental rights are terminated. This means the biological parents have had opportunities to attend parenting classes or seek drug treatment but have failed to successfully comply after numerous opportunities to succeed. The goal for the child at that point is a permanent, stable home. Family members are almost always front runners to take custody of the child, pending their desire to take in the child, their ability to provide care and support, pass a background check, and follow through to take the required training necessary to foster. Foster care is a temporary living situation for children, while the goal of adoption is to match the child with a family in a permanent home. 

Adopting a child in foster care is possible, however the length of time it will take from beginning to end to finalize the adoption cannot be estimated because of the variations involved in each child’s circumstance. Some foster parents who want to move quickly into adoption may consider a legal risk placement. That means the goal for the child is to place them in a home that could potentially be permanent, pending termination of parental rights. Once an adoption is complete, the child’s birth certificate will reflect the adoptive parents’ names and you can move forward as a family unit.

The Benefits of Fostering to Adopt

Children coming into foster care have experienced some level of abuse and or neglect. When you take the required courses to become a foster parent, you will learn that children can endure abuse and neglect for years before child protection ever becomes involved. The effects on a child’s ability to respond, cope, and how they trust adults can be deeply affected. Cooperating and adjusting to their new family is a physiological change that happens in small degrees and over various lengths of time, depending on their age when the abuse or neglect began.

The consequences of abuse and neglect will eventually manifest themselves in various forms; some can be seen immediately and other behaviors will be revealed over time. Having the opportunity to spend time with your foster child and learning to care for their physical and emotional needs can help foster parents decide if the child is the right fit for their foster family and vice versa. 

Meeting other foster parents and learning about their experiences could also be extremely helpful during your journey. One of the things that sets Pathways apart from other foster agencies is our integrated behavioral health services. These services include assessments, treatment planning, and ongoing therapy for stress management, anxiety, depression, trauma and other issues. Families with a desire to adopt children usually begin the process with many questions and we believe experience is always the best teacher; so, do not be afraid to reach out to families who are currently fostering or adopting for additional support.

There are many foster and adoption agencies out there; choosing the right one for you will be key to your success and sanity. It is completely acceptable to write a list of what you may want and situations that simply do not appeal to you when searching for an adoptable child. It is also critical to find an organization that you feel comfortable working with and that you feel confident they can help answer any questions you have. 

If you would like to learn more about how you can partner with Pathways on your journey to becoming a foster or adoptive parent, sign up to attend an orientation. These sessions are both informational and open forums for questions. Pathways supports its foster families through a team with years of adoption and foster care experience and in-house behavioral health services, so you know you’re in good hands. Pathways was founded by foster parents and we continue to operate with that same level of care and compassion that our founders had for helping children in need.